The Tallmadge Chamber of Commerce has named Keith Heating & Cooling its “Business of the Month.”
If you’ve been following news reports about Keith Heating, you might be stifling a laugh.
Or, as was the case with the reader who brought that gem to my attention, you might have been unable to stifle a laugh.
The Summit County prosecutor is trying to close down Keith Heating.
The county has accused the company and its owner, Keith Goodwin, of “unconscionable consumer sales practices,” saying he and the company have been “unfair and deceptive” and have failed to apply for required permits.
At least 31 Keith customers were falsely told their furnaces were in immediate need of replacement because of a risk of carbon monoxide poisoning, the county said.
In a Beacon Journal story about the case, Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh offered this assessment of Keith Heating:
“The company’s blatant disregard for its customers is appalling.”
Goodwin’s attorney has said all of the charges are untrue.
The prosecutor’s office said this week the case, filed five months ago in Summit County Common Pleas Court, is still in the discovery phase.
Yet the following was reported in the Tallmadge Express under the headline, “Chamber Chatter’’:
“Congratulations to Keith Goodwin from Keith’s Heating and Cooling Inc., for being named Chamber’s Business of the Month. Keith’s business is located at 35 Northwest Ave., just off Tallmadge Circle. Keith has been an outstanding chamber member and past president over the years and we are happy to have him as a member.”
What on earth was the chamber thinking?
The same thing the rest of us were thinking: unfortunate choice.
That “honor” is actually just the luck of the draw, says the chamber’s administrative assistant, Becky Allman.
At each monthly meeting, chamber members drop their business cards into a basket, and whichever name pops up in a random drawing is declared “Business of the Month.”
The winner is posted on the chamber’s website for all the world to see and is invited to speak at the following month’s meeting.
You might want to review that policy, folks.
Waste of paper
Pam Dain doesn’t have much use for some of the educational literature she receives month after month from the Department of Job and Family Services.
“Somebody tell me why money is being spent sending family planning information to a 52-year-old grandmother who had a hysterectomy.”
Hey, you never know. Reproductive miracles reportedly have happened at least once before.
Unfortunate combo
The following in-house communique was distributed at Nationwide Insurance in Columbus.
“Colon and rectal health isn’t likely a popular topic of conversation. But did you know that of the cancers that affect both men and women, colorectal cancer is one of the most common, and the third deadliest? Learn more about colon and rectal health at the next My Health brown bag.”
A brown bag about colons.
Eeeewwww.
Literary jewel
A colleague offered up one of his favorite recent spams. It read precisely like this:
“2 QUESTIONS:
“QUESTION 1:
“Would you wear a higih-end name branid watich, desiginer jeweilry or hanid-bag?
“QUESTION 2:
“Would you still wear this even if it was a perfect reiplicia?
“And no one would ever know?”
Here’s a question for you, pal: Have you ever been treated for an overactive “i” typing finger?
Top-secret stuff
Here is the fourth paragraph of a nameless letter sent to me via the postal service:
“I know you have a policy on ignoring comments from anonymous readers. I respect that, but I believe by ignoring those anonymous comments you are ignoring a growing number of Americans who choose to remain anonymous because they fear current government at all levels.
“Truthfully, I am afraid to comment even anonymously.
“Signed: Anonymous Reader”
Now there’s the indomitable spirit that made this country great. You and Patrick Henry.
“Give me liberty or give me a quiet spot in the corner where I can live to a ripe old age without any hassles.”
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com.